Cayce-Dixon Clash mars 2007 Psychic Predictions Fete

Paranormal Squabbles

Kyle Cassidy Images, Gallery Nine, Contact the artist.

Celebrated seers gather in Miami Beach for 2007 Psychic Prediction extravaganza but a trans-trance squabble between Jean Dixon and Edgar Cayce nearly scuttles the paranormal party. Herschel Gomez' aunt Hortensia hosted the affair at her Art Deco Ocean Drive villa. Meanwhile, on the otherside of the planet, tribal leaders in Western Australia ponder their pending return to power in ancestral lands.

Jean Dixon: Real gift or lucky hit?

Miami psychic Herschel Gomez reports that a terrible row developed this past week during the so-called Florida “Superbowl of Psychic Predictions for 2007” namely the annual South Beach Celebrity Seance SmackDown hosted by his aunt, Hortensia de Gomez Gutman, the onetime personal chiromancer to Fulgencio Batista. The event, which draws together area Latin and Anglo psychics for a lively session of competitive readings and extended chats with deceased notables, was staged on January 3rd, the 62nd anniversary of the "crossing" of the guest of honor, Edgar Cayce, who was almost a no-show. The evening got off to a tense start with Mme Shanti Dombrowski, the Madras-born spouse of Herschel's third cousin Domingo, expressing bitter resentment at being compared unfavorably to Jean Dixon as a prophet. "Let’s be honest, she really got lucky just once," said Shanti, "and traded off that for decades afterward." For her part, Dixon-- channeling through Hortensia a bit later--dismissed Shanti as a “presumptuous Tamil Nada from Orlando” which prompted a round Latino titters.

Edgar Cayce: Overslept?

But the real fireworks erupted when Dixon and the late-arriving Cayce renewed their long-running feud over who had the most embarrassing failed predictions. "The Vietnam War ending in 1966," remarked Cayce, who spoke through Irish-Iraqi trance medium Mohammed Mahoney, "what a tragic clunker that was!" "I'll take the heat for that anytime,” responded Dixon, “over predicting that California would slide into the Pacific Ocean in 1998. You were really asleep on that one, Ed." The two ended their discarnate dialogue on a more positive note by agreeing that rightwing evangelical Pat Robertson is undoubtedly the dimmest “seer” on the contemporary prophesy scene.


Deadly dialogue
Earlier Cayce apologized to the group for nearly missing the session but explained he had to attend a low-key reception at the Dead Despots Society for new arrivals Augusto Pinochet and Saddam Hussein. The DDS, notable for its impressive board of respected late humanitarians and philanthropists, helps rehabilitate departed dictators and war criminals preparing them for an eternity of endless begging--for their victims’ forgiveness in the afterlife.

Celebrity Seance: Trancing with the stars

On a more congenial note, the assembled seers exchanged a variety of premonitions, dreams and forecasts and found broad agreement that global weather changes would begin to wreak havoc on a generally good international economy in the latter part of the year. All agreed that ephemeral personalities like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Brad Pitt take up entirely too much space in the psychic media and something ought to be done about it but no-one present could foresee how. Mahoney did boldly predict that cinema’s swaggering Kiwi Russell Crowe will be eating crow by year’s end. “And I don’t mean Sheryl,” he added.

All in all, the Séance SmackDown ended quite amicably. Despite the few occasional harsh words and sharp outbursts--and a couple of angrily tossed ouija boards--only one psychic was asked to leave early after she was found to be using a marked Tarot deck and having two “wands” up her sleeve.

Map of tribal lands: Heritage reclaimed

Another Legal Gain For Ozzie Natives

Hard on the heels of a Federal Court decision recognizing the Native Title Claim of the Noongar People of Western Australia to a 193,956km² tract of land that encompasses the entire State capital city of Perth (population 1.7 million) comes word that in New South Wales (where Sydney is located) it’s been decided to share with the local Githabul tribe the administration of a 6,000 -square-kilometre area that encompasses 19 parks and forests, including several UN World Heritage sites. Reports indicate that the so-called native title pact will create jobs for the Githabul people and give them much greater involvement in the management of the land.

Unlike the reaction in Western Australia, where state and federal government spokespeople immediately announced a challenge to the native tile ruling, officials on all sides are welcoming the Githabul agreement as a positive step toward Reconciliation between Australian whites and other later arrivals and the traditional owners of Australian territories.



Recalling the past with generous reciprocity


Back in Perth, Noongar elders are said to be reviewing strategies and plans in the event their title claim is upheld in the courts. “Naturally, we want to move forward in a spirit of compassion and absolute reciprocity,” says Emerson Amangu, member of a committee looking at implementation schemes for re-establishing tribal authority over the capital and its environs. “Above all, we want to show the Wadjalla (whites) the same kind of goodwill and fair treatment that we ourselves were shown in their place.”


Consequently, an assortment of proposals are being put forward that the in-coming Noongar Administration might wish to adopt. These include classifying whites as fauna on tribal lands, making sure that all Wadjalla children are educated in the Noongar language and culture (with school menus that feature traditional dishes like roast monitor with witchetty grub and honey ant sauce) and restoring place-names to their aboriginal designations including Perth itself which soon might be called Greater Wajuk, West Nyaki-Nyaki or New Noongar.

Above: School monitor: Soon to be served
Happy Meal style with grubs and ants

SPACEY 2007 PREDICTIONS

Vice President Dick Cheney in his US humvee

In this edition of Professor Jacobi's Amazing Realms, Mohammed Mahoney comments on photographs that not only promise to answer questions which have long baffled archaeologists but which also validate important scientific findings.

Also included, the annual New Year Psychic Predictions for 2007 as issued by Miami seer Herschel Gomez.

Peruvian UFO’s may validate Inca Theory

Further examination of a snapshot taken in the Andes last year by an Australian tourist could be the clearest evidence yet validating one of the central tenets of the Extrapolated ITIC findings published a decade ago by my good friend and noted Irish-Iraqi sensitive Mohammed Mahoney. What appears to be a fast-moving metallic object moving between the Andean peaks near the fabled Macchu-Pichu “Lost City” of the Incas could be, says Mahoney, photographic proof that present-day Incas, like their Pre-Columbian forebears, had extraterrestrial help in constructing their cities.



UFO at Macchu-Pichu, Peru


Archaeologists have long speculated how Meso-and South American societies, which did not use the wheel, could have transported immense blocks of solid stone from distant quarries. Mahoney also hastens to point out another photograph taken in broad daylight earlier this year at the Mayan pyramid of Chichen-Itza by a Puerto Rican visitor. The Yucatan object is either some sort of bifurcated UFO, a humungous butterfly or possibly a slice of apple hurled about 50 metres from the camera.

UFO (or butterfly) at Yucatan pyramid

Mahoney, a freelance researcher who investigates the paranormal during off hours from his urology practice in Hollywood, CA, suggests that he may mount his own Macchu-Pichu expedition in early 2007 to seek additional UFO-related evidence on the matter.


Michael, Liz & related Psychic Prognoses

Our good friend and noted Miami seer Herschel Gomez has issued his annual New Year Psychic Predictions for 2007. For the record, his tally of hits and misses over the past twenty-five years is slightly better than the late Jean Dixon’s and 30 times more accurate than Mme. Shanti Dombrowski of Orlando, who in 1985 confidently predicted that a disoriented Loch Ness monster would finally be netted in the Thames Estuary of all places and, astonishingly, disgorge a perfectly preserved (albeit deceased) Amelia Earheart, two HMS Titanic life-preservers and Eva Braun’s gold souvenir cigarette lighter from the 1936 maiden flight of the Luftschiffbau Zeppelin Hindenburg. Dombrowski claimed a partial hit with the discovery of the entire Titanic wreck later that year.


Herewith highlights from the Gomez 2007 crystal ball:

• By late next summer ex-New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s prospects for the 2008 Presidential nomination will be further reduced when it is revealed that, in addition to being a divorced Roman Catholic, previously sealed court documents identify him as the unnamed “other primate” who figured in the infamous 1992 break-up of singer Michael Jackson and one-time housemate Bubbles the Chimpanzee.


Michael and Bubbles in happier times


• Recently disgraced Evangelist Ted Haggard will return to the news when a “Rehabilitation Retreat” with several young pastoral colleagues at a remote Colorado Springs park is disrupted by someone or something resembling Big Foot who drags the hysterical Haggard into the forest. Following months of fruitless searches for the missing preacher, a bearded and remarkably unscathed Haggard will emerge from the woods to found a new doctrine based on claimed visions during the ordeal, The Gospel of St. Susquatch.

• On the eve of her 75th birthday, Elizabeth Taylor, will finally admit that the aforementioned Michael Jackson is indeed her own love child by onetime heavyweight champ Sonny Liston (and subsequently adopted by the Jackson family to spare Liz further grief with then-hubby Eddie Fisher.) Following this disclosure, Michael will fly to the Pepe Cortada Clinic in Chichihuenango, Guatemala before Easter for one last surgical procedure in a tortured son’s lifelong attempt to more closely resemble his natural mother.

• Britney Spears will meet and fall wildly in love with Fort Lauderdale tax attorney Fu-Tze (Footsie) Feldman, the Chinese-Jewish heir to the Fong-Wam-Bang Electronics empire based in Hong Kong. In the fall the couple will be making plans for a honeymoon in Kuala Lumpur at the home of uncle Chuk Wam-Bang. And by Christmas, the company’s Mandarin-singing Beijing Britney doll will be a toy world mega-hit in the Far East.

• A devastating spring earthquake will level much of Euro-Disney World but the ruins will prove much more popular (especially the Hall of Headless Presidents) among French visitors and the park will actually turn a third-quarter profit.

• In May, look for the FBI to investigate a series of ghastly but surgically precise cattle mutilations in and around Crawford, Texas. The president blames al-Qa'ida terrorists but the culprits are never found.

Bush and the possibly doomed Pooch

• Finally, Barney the White House Scottish Terrier will meet an untimely end when his kennel is inadvertently misrouted at Andrews Air Force Base aboard an Iraq-bound military transport. Before the mistake is discovered, the First Pooch will fall into the hands of jihadists who threaten an on-camera canine execution if US troops are not withdrawn. After worldwide outcry and appeals from the pope and Islamic leaders, the terrier is released unharmed but is accidentally run over by a US humvee driven by Vice President Dick Cheney who was dispatched to Baghdad to bring the heroic hostage home.


Professor Kurt Stanislaw Jacobi, a native of Southeastern Wallachia, holds a Ph.D. in psychotropic engineering from Comenius University, Bratislava, where he graduated summa cum laude in 1948. During the late 50's, Dr. Jacobi was a visiting scholar on the faculty of CCNY where he first postulated his now famous integrated theory of inversional constructs (ITIC) which ultimately made possible the Apollo moon landings, the Camp David Peace Accords and the release of all Tennessee Ernie Ford’s love songs on mp3 compatible compact disc.

FACTS BEYOND CONJECTURE

Ailing Reptiles seen as Omen

Is it pure coincidence that the US is finally engaging in a great national debate over the severity of Global Warming at the exact time that an epidemic of reptilian HIV has hit alligators in West Florida drainage canals? Unlike the human variety, victims of gator-AIDS do not wither and die but rather detach their limbs, spend six or seven months in brackish waters as gargantuan tadpoles and then totally metamorphose into bellowing Tampa realtors and patent attorneys.

Jeb Bush

This phenomenon is quite possibly related to the enigma a decade back when medical waste of undetermined origin washed up on South Florida beaches and manifested in the trunk of Tamarac restaurateur Herschel Gomez' red '88 Impala. These bizarre events do suggest a synchroneity that could also lend credence to the claim that the noted portly owner of the only glatt kosher Taco Bell on the US Eastern Seaboard (there are three in Burbank, CA and plans for one in Melbourne) was once abducted from the New Jersey shore by a UFO. The alleged abduction occurred 35 years ago following a Passaic concert by Little Anthony and the Imperials. Little Anthony himself was never implicated but the three Imperials were questioned by police after causing a post-performance ruckus in a Hackensack strip-bar called the Bada Bing. Owner Johnny Soprano did not press charges.

Hillary Clinton

Mystic Polling?

Tampa Realtor Ali G

Meanwhile, it has been reported that Senator Hillary Clinton, no stranger to the realm of seance, has sought out the discarnate Grigory Yefimovich Novych (Rasputin), in order to gauge her chances to become America’s first female president. Eight years as White House czarina has only served to whet Mrs. Clinton’s appetite for the spotlight. The contact purportedly came last month near Orlando as the former First Lady and Governor Jeb Bush inadvertently met in the reading room of Mme Shanti Dombrowski, the celebrated Winter Park psychic. The Grigory Yefimovich link was also confirmed by the Mad Monk's only surviving descendant in America, Miami CPA Manuel Mankiewicz. Manny's Hialeah bowling league teammates are convinced that the Cuban-Russian accountant also knows the precise location of long-hidden Romanov Dynasty treasures that could financially lift an eventual Hillary for a Presidential campaign. Mr. Bush, on the other hand, seeks psychic opinion on whether he must re-launch his political career somewhere in South America now that his older brother has trashed the Bush reputation for government competence throughout the United States.

Having served myself occasionally as consulting astrologer to the Reagan White House, I would advise the “Jebster”: Stick with Paraguay. No beachfront land speculators, hurricanes or crocodiles.

Professor Kurt Stanislaw Jacobi, a native of Northwestern Wallachia, holds a Ph.D in psychotropic engineering from the Comenius University of Bratislava, where he graduated summa cum laude in 1948. During the late 50's, Dr. Jacobi was a visiting scholar on the faculty of CCNY where he first postulated his now famous integrated theory of inversional constructs (ITIC) which ultimately made possible the Apollo moon landings, the Camp David Peace Accords and microwave popcorn.