Chupacabra Omens Erred with Bears at Superbowl XLI

The notorious Chupacabras may be back in the Everglades again reopening the debate over whether they are real, imagined, from outer space, heaven-sent harbingers of a New Covenant or did they augur an auspicious but erroneous omen for the Bears in Super Bowl XLI? At least one local astrologer thought so. In Amazing Updates, a Hong Kong electronics heir ditches a run for the US Congress in order to pursue Britney Spears and On this Date in Amazing History Edna Everage misses her first chance to meet the Queen.

Allegedly first sighted in Puerto Rico in the summer of 1995, no rumored creature in recent memory has caused quite as much stir and media hyperventilation (in Latin markets at least) as the notorious Chupacabra or goat-sucking demon. Breathless reports about "beasts which drained the blood of goats", made by the San Juan tabloid El Vocero, were quickly followed by similar manifestations in Mexico, the Florida Everglades and even Brazil. The "creatures" were variously reported as walking on two-legs, having bat-like-wings and fearsome dentition or curved fangs. Further accounts mentioned reptilian skin, spines or quills on the back, muscular arms, hands with three fingers and a thumb tipped by thick sharp claws, large red eyes, many sharp teeth and a long tongue or extractor.

CHUPACABRA by Ricardo Pustanio

Low-budget Mexican and US filmmakers, always on the look-out for fast-buck monsters, lost no time in transferring the "terrifying" beasts to the cinema and video screen, churning out a total of eleven productions since 1995: Ataca el chupacabras (1996); El Chupacabras, (1996); Adventures Beyond: Chupacabra (1997); Guns of El Chupacabra (1997) aka "Chupacabra, El" - USA (working title); Legend of the Chupacabra (2000); Chupacabras (2000); El Chupacabra (2003); Bloodthirst: Legend of the Chupacabras (2003); Bloodthirst 2: Revenge of the Chupacabras (2005); Night of the Chupacabra (2005) Chupacabra Terror (2005) aka "Chupacabra: Dark Seas" - USA (TV title). In most depictions, excepting a 1997 "documentary," the chupas are clearly portrayed as a menace to humans, even slaughtering passengers on a ship. Yet in the "real-life" testimonies and evidence compiled to date, the chupa victims have all been livestock or household pets. Then again who would pay good money to watch a movie about a terrified goat or an imperiled parakeet?

In his latest foray into the case, psychic detective Herschel Gomez once again called in his distinguished relative, Dr. Domingo Dombrowski, widely noted for being the first scholar to receive an advanced degree in Chupacabrology from Puerto Rico's Instituto de Cryptozoologia de Caguas,1974 (formerly the Caguas College of Applied Phrenology). Dombrowski, who now resides near Orlando, FL is the same researcher who solved the celebrated 1960 "Bat Monsters of Bayamon" controversy (a hoax) and the sensational 1963 case of the "Cataño Fairy" (a runaway juvenile midget from the touring Nicaraguan side-show El Circo de Tacho). He claims the earliest "chupacabra" sightings actually date back to the 1600s when Taino Indians still lived on Puerto Rico. The name, he says, derives from a Spanish approximation of an Arawak dialect (aboriginal) appellation.


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Together Gomez and Dombrowski first visited a West Everglades site in 1996 where four eviscerated goats were discovered over the Easter Weekend. Dombrowski dismisses the notion that the chupacabras were either dogs (the opinion of local zoo officials) or creatures from outer space. Nor does he believe that they have recently migrated to Florida from Puerto Rico. "As stated in my 1974 work, The Chupacabra Chronicles of Las Casas, it is my firm opinion that these are hybrid creatures that have existed in the Caribbean basin since the earliest days of the Spanish conquest. The Chupacabra," affirms Dombrowski, " is probably a centuries-old cross between a now extinct species of South American lemur and a Malaysian flying fox (fruit bat) introduced to the region by Catalonian sailors previously stationed in the Philippines."

Elsewhere this past year, the first chupacabra sightings were reported in Central Russia where the creatures were said to be feeding on turkeys. In Turkey, where no chupas have turned up yet, turkeys are called hindi implying they come from India. Although there have been no chupas reported on the sub-continent, some researchers now think the 2001 case of the Monkey Man of New Delhi bears renewed examination.

Meanwhile, fresh reports of Everglades sightings have excited Reverend Emiliano Chong-McGillicuddie, a South American clergyman who eleven years ago first proclaimed sightings of the chupacabras to be " apparitions intimately connected with world changes and the spiritual reawakening foretold by so many visionaries including Edgar Cayce and Madame Blavatsky." Chong-McGillicuddie, formerly Pastor of the Asemblea Espiritista Carismatica de Medellin, Colombia, had just announced that a new congregation--Iglesia Adventista Chupacabrista-- was formed in the port city of Barranquilla to propound a revised cosmology in which the "divine chupas" were the heavenly harbingers of a New Order "in which the Lion shall not only lie down with the Lamb but the Goat shall hang out with the Bat."

Chong-McGillicuddie spent three days in Virginia Beach in December 1995 pouring over the Cayce archives for possible references to the chupacabra apparitions. Based on his research--correlating certain Cayce readings with six key Nostradamus quatrains--the pastor had concluded that the chupacabra phenomenon signaled the New Advent of Planetary Salvation. Rev. Chong notes that the letters in "Chupacabrista" easily form "CabraChrista" (Christ-goat). He plans to lead a party of his followers to the Everglades later this Spring in hopes of a revelatory sighting.

Finally, Herschel Gomez's young nephew Hamish Gomez insists that the most recent chupa appearances were also an omen for the SuperBowl XLI being played in a stadium not far from the Everglades itself and where livestock-devouring creatures were first reported in 1996. "Look," says Hamish, an avid astrologer like his uncle, "the Bears secured their conference title earlier this month under Capricorn, the Sign of the Goat. Chicago is a city famous for its stockyards and it was once burned to the ground by a cow!" "Not only that", adds Hamish, " if you rearrange the letters of the Spanish word "Chupacabrismo" (meaning Chupacabra-ness more or less) you get "Chicapo B'ars". " Close enough, even for Nostradamus maybe. But not for Peyton Manning as it turned out much to young Hamish's considerable embarrassment. Uncle Herschel also pointed out that the Colts won their conference title under the Goat as well. The Chupacabras, for their part, have no comment. And those unfortunates who bet heavily on Chicago turned out to be the biggest suckers of all.

AMAZING UPDATES:

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Hong Kong Electronics scion Fu-Tze (Footsie) Feldman, a Fort Lauderdale tax attorney, has notified local Republican Party operatives that he will not contest freshman Democrat Ron Klein in a 2008 US Congressional race. "Call it the surge that broke the camel's back," he told friends recently. "The way this war is going, the GOP nomination won't be worth a pitcher of warm spit," he added, colorfully recalling the candor of a Depression Era vice-president.

For the present Feldman is in Hollywood (the West Coast one) hoping to wrangle a way to escort Britney Spears to the Academy Award Ceremonies later this month. "She'll forget all about K-Fed once she's exposed to the special aura of F-Foot," he said, though his friends admit that the family's $6-billion fortune might have some bearing on Ms. Spears outlook. If Feldman manages to take to the young pop-star to the Oscars then he'll also invite her to a Chinese New Year Gala at uncle Chuk Wam-Bang's sumptumous mansion in Malaysia the following weekend.


ON THIS DATE IN AMAZING HISTORY:

Feb 3 1690
The first paper money in America is issued in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. But the local Indians refuse to accept it. Nor, after hearing what happened in Manhattan, will they accept glass beads either.

Feb 3 1954
Millions greet Queen Elizabeth II in Sydney on her first royal
trip to Australia. Unable to attend, future honoree/housewife Edna Everage sends regrets from Moonee Ponds.

Feb 4 1889
Harry Longabaugh is released from Sundance Prison in Wyoming, thereby acquiring the famous nickname, "the Sundance Kid." Upon seeing himself in the mirror for the first time after a long period of incarceration, the Kid is devastated to realize that he looks nothing like Robert Redford.

Young Edna
GREAT WIGS

Feb 4 1909
California law segregates Caucasian and Japanese schoolchildren, thereby extending to the Nipponese youngsters the same honor that Chinese pupils in the state have enjoyed for decades. Academic test scores for both groups soar while white kids in the Golden State go on to distinguish themselves in swimming, square dance and choir.

Feb 5 1900
The United States and Great Britain sign the Hay-Pauncefote Treaty, giving the US the right to build a canal in Nicaragua but not to fortify it. Nicaragua, a sovereign nation at the time, is not a signatory and the Americans later decide to stiff the British by building a canal in Panama instead.

Chicken Choke may rival Chicken Soup as Miracle Therapy

Hollywood Urologist/Psychic Mohammed Mahoney heads for Sydney (via Basra) to check the latest medical findings on wanking as cancer prevention while Aussie tour promoters anticipate a rise from the results. Plus Jesus is spotted on a tree in the Philippines, a Canadian schoolboy confesses and This Date in Amazing History.

Irish-Iraqi specialist Mohammed Mahoney (a board-certified physician with a thriving
urology practice in Hollywood, FL) informs us he will extend his biennial trip overseas this year to include a swing through Sydney after he visits Uncle Abdullah and other members of his mother's family in Basra this April. Mohammed wants to attend the Workshop on Confrontation, Confusion and Challenges in Oncosexology sponsored by ISSC (International Society for Sexuality and Cancer).



In particular Mahoney wants to hear the update on a sensational 2003 report by Australian researchers indicating that the vigorous practice of masturbation, especially in a man's younger years actually reduces the risk of prostate cancer in later life. The findings by medical investigators by Melbourne's La Trobe University were part of The Australian Study of Health and Relationships, the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexuality ever undertaken Down Under. Telephone interviewed 19,307 respondents between the ages of 16 and 59 years, a sample that consisted of 10,173 men and 9,134 women randomly selected from all states and territories of Australia.



Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits. They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer. The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s. Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. The news was greeted with excitement and relief among millions of thankful “wankers” around the globe anxious to learn if the discovery will be confirmed by subsequent studies in other localities.


Up the coast in Brisbane, our friend Dr. Barry Corrigan reports that tour and hotel operators of Queensland’s tourism-dependent Gold Coast region aren’t waiting for further medical surveys to start cashing in on what they see as an unprecedented promotional bonanza. “It’s not clear yet what any follow-up studies may show,” says veteran tour guide Rolf Sickerdick,”but as far as people here concerned the case is made already..masturbating IN AUSTRALIA wards off cancer. And that’s what we’re going to be marketing.” Sickerdick’s firm is already packaging Great Barrier Reef sail trips aimed an expected surge of American visitors “Pleasure cruise takes on a whole new meaning aboard our state-of-the-art schooner the Wankee Trader!” proclaims one brochure. Two new uber-neon-studded beach-front dance palaces, The Choked Chicken and Monkey Spanker will open their doors to an anticipated clamoring clientele next month while certain restaurants plan to lure Canadian and Jamaican visitors with heavily advertised nightly “jerked chicken at your table” specials. And the local Warner-Brothers theme park is said to be exploring how to tastefully pander to the family trade with Woody Woodpecker.



Corrigan notes that plans have already been announced for an extravagant 900-seat cabaret-style nightspot that will be named Le Club sWANK and erected, appropriately, next to the world’s tallest residential building, the Q1 (“The Shaft”) perhaps now destined to be more emblematic of the city than ever. For his part, Mahoney will attend the Sydney ISSC conference with an eye to possibly getting funding for a similar prostate-link study underway here in Fort Lauderdale (a Sister City to Queensland’s Gold Coast). “There couldn’t be a more natural place in the US for such a survey,” says Mahoney. After all, everyone KNOWS what the peninsula state is shaped like.”

AMAZING STORY UPDATES…

Family sources report that owners of the Hong Kong-based Fong-Wam-Bang Electronics empire are having second thoughts about financing American-born grandson Fu-Tze (Footsie) Feldman in a 2008 US Congressional race. For one thing, they reason, the Democrats control Congress again so how effective could a freshman Republican like Feldman be even if he won? Another cause for concern is the prediction by psychic Herschel Gomez that Footsie will woo and subsequently marry pop-star Britney Spears later in the year. From Malaysia, uncle Chuk Wam-Bang says he thinks the reclusive grandparents reckon a showbiz marriage and a simultaneous political campaign would draw far too much inquisitive publicity for the family to handle… Just six days after we relayed the story from Cowpie Corral, Alberta concerning a miraculous papal visage on a schoolboy’s apple, some 2,000 people swarmed into the town of San Enrique in the Philippines on Christmas Day to view an image of Jesus Christ that seemed appear on the trunk of an acacia tree. There was some difference of opinion whether you had to be standing 10-feet away while light hits the trunk in a certain way and whether there was also an angel hovering behind the face. The San Enrique mayor guessed there might be a logical explanation for the appearance while a skeptical town pastor flatly proclaimed the apparition a hoax. Sadly, that’s the also the latest word from Cowpie Flats as well where eighth-grader Barton Gilhooley ultimately confessed to doctoring his Granny Smith apple with an emerald magic marker. He explained was trying for an image of Wayne Gretsky but wound up with something that witnesses said looked like a younger version of Pope Benedict instead. He was suspended from Meadow Muffin Middle for three days over the prank.

ON THIS DATE IN AMAZING HISTORY…

15 JANUARY 1346 Holy Roman Emperor Louis IV of Bavaria bestows upon his wife Margaretha, Holland and the oft-contested, war-torn province of Zealand. He would have preferred to give her a New Zealand but it would take Dutch navigator Abel Tasman 400 years to show up and find one.

15 JANUARY 1535 Henry VIII declares himself head of the English Church and thereby replaces Pope Clement VII, in the hearts of his subjects, as the model for Christian rectitude and moral probity that the British Royals have upheld to the present day.

15 JANUARY 1920 Prohibition (the 18th Amendment or Dry Law) goes into effect in the United States driving “demon rum” underground where it flourishes and “speakeasies” sprout up in thousands of communities across America. Selling liquor and beer becomes illegal but not drinking so millions of Yanks encourage lawbreakers and organized crime hits the Big Time. The 18th Amendment is repealed in 1933 and brazen flouting of the law is once more largely confined to politicians.

15 JANUARY 1955 Nearly ten years after the shooting stopped, the USSR, moving with characteristic dispatch and deliberation ends its state of war with the German Federal Republic (West Germany). Six years afterward, the Russians build a wall across Berlin that will stand until the Soviet Union itself begins to fracture in the 1980s.

Cayce-Dixon Clash mars 2007 Psychic Predictions Fete

Paranormal Squabbles

Kyle Cassidy Images, Gallery Nine, Contact the artist.

Celebrated seers gather in Miami Beach for 2007 Psychic Prediction extravaganza but a trans-trance squabble between Jean Dixon and Edgar Cayce nearly scuttles the paranormal party. Herschel Gomez' aunt Hortensia hosted the affair at her Art Deco Ocean Drive villa. Meanwhile, on the otherside of the planet, tribal leaders in Western Australia ponder their pending return to power in ancestral lands.

Jean Dixon: Real gift or lucky hit?

Miami psychic Herschel Gomez reports that a terrible row developed this past week during the so-called Florida “Superbowl of Psychic Predictions for 2007” namely the annual South Beach Celebrity Seance SmackDown hosted by his aunt, Hortensia de Gomez Gutman, the onetime personal chiromancer to Fulgencio Batista. The event, which draws together area Latin and Anglo psychics for a lively session of competitive readings and extended chats with deceased notables, was staged on January 3rd, the 62nd anniversary of the "crossing" of the guest of honor, Edgar Cayce, who was almost a no-show. The evening got off to a tense start with Mme Shanti Dombrowski, the Madras-born spouse of Herschel's third cousin Domingo, expressing bitter resentment at being compared unfavorably to Jean Dixon as a prophet. "Let’s be honest, she really got lucky just once," said Shanti, "and traded off that for decades afterward." For her part, Dixon-- channeling through Hortensia a bit later--dismissed Shanti as a “presumptuous Tamil Nada from Orlando” which prompted a round Latino titters.

Edgar Cayce: Overslept?

But the real fireworks erupted when Dixon and the late-arriving Cayce renewed their long-running feud over who had the most embarrassing failed predictions. "The Vietnam War ending in 1966," remarked Cayce, who spoke through Irish-Iraqi trance medium Mohammed Mahoney, "what a tragic clunker that was!" "I'll take the heat for that anytime,” responded Dixon, “over predicting that California would slide into the Pacific Ocean in 1998. You were really asleep on that one, Ed." The two ended their discarnate dialogue on a more positive note by agreeing that rightwing evangelical Pat Robertson is undoubtedly the dimmest “seer” on the contemporary prophesy scene.


Deadly dialogue
Earlier Cayce apologized to the group for nearly missing the session but explained he had to attend a low-key reception at the Dead Despots Society for new arrivals Augusto Pinochet and Saddam Hussein. The DDS, notable for its impressive board of respected late humanitarians and philanthropists, helps rehabilitate departed dictators and war criminals preparing them for an eternity of endless begging--for their victims’ forgiveness in the afterlife.

Celebrity Seance: Trancing with the stars

On a more congenial note, the assembled seers exchanged a variety of premonitions, dreams and forecasts and found broad agreement that global weather changes would begin to wreak havoc on a generally good international economy in the latter part of the year. All agreed that ephemeral personalities like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Brad Pitt take up entirely too much space in the psychic media and something ought to be done about it but no-one present could foresee how. Mahoney did boldly predict that cinema’s swaggering Kiwi Russell Crowe will be eating crow by year’s end. “And I don’t mean Sheryl,” he added.

All in all, the Séance SmackDown ended quite amicably. Despite the few occasional harsh words and sharp outbursts--and a couple of angrily tossed ouija boards--only one psychic was asked to leave early after she was found to be using a marked Tarot deck and having two “wands” up her sleeve.

Map of tribal lands: Heritage reclaimed

Another Legal Gain For Ozzie Natives

Hard on the heels of a Federal Court decision recognizing the Native Title Claim of the Noongar People of Western Australia to a 193,956km² tract of land that encompasses the entire State capital city of Perth (population 1.7 million) comes word that in New South Wales (where Sydney is located) it’s been decided to share with the local Githabul tribe the administration of a 6,000 -square-kilometre area that encompasses 19 parks and forests, including several UN World Heritage sites. Reports indicate that the so-called native title pact will create jobs for the Githabul people and give them much greater involvement in the management of the land.

Unlike the reaction in Western Australia, where state and federal government spokespeople immediately announced a challenge to the native tile ruling, officials on all sides are welcoming the Githabul agreement as a positive step toward Reconciliation between Australian whites and other later arrivals and the traditional owners of Australian territories.



Recalling the past with generous reciprocity


Back in Perth, Noongar elders are said to be reviewing strategies and plans in the event their title claim is upheld in the courts. “Naturally, we want to move forward in a spirit of compassion and absolute reciprocity,” says Emerson Amangu, member of a committee looking at implementation schemes for re-establishing tribal authority over the capital and its environs. “Above all, we want to show the Wadjalla (whites) the same kind of goodwill and fair treatment that we ourselves were shown in their place.”


Consequently, an assortment of proposals are being put forward that the in-coming Noongar Administration might wish to adopt. These include classifying whites as fauna on tribal lands, making sure that all Wadjalla children are educated in the Noongar language and culture (with school menus that feature traditional dishes like roast monitor with witchetty grub and honey ant sauce) and restoring place-names to their aboriginal designations including Perth itself which soon might be called Greater Wajuk, West Nyaki-Nyaki or New Noongar.

Above: School monitor: Soon to be served
Happy Meal style with grubs and ants

SPACEY 2007 PREDICTIONS

Vice President Dick Cheney in his US humvee

In this edition of Professor Jacobi's Amazing Realms, Mohammed Mahoney comments on photographs that not only promise to answer questions which have long baffled archaeologists but which also validate important scientific findings.

Also included, the annual New Year Psychic Predictions for 2007 as issued by Miami seer Herschel Gomez.

Peruvian UFO’s may validate Inca Theory

Further examination of a snapshot taken in the Andes last year by an Australian tourist could be the clearest evidence yet validating one of the central tenets of the Extrapolated ITIC findings published a decade ago by my good friend and noted Irish-Iraqi sensitive Mohammed Mahoney. What appears to be a fast-moving metallic object moving between the Andean peaks near the fabled Macchu-Pichu “Lost City” of the Incas could be, says Mahoney, photographic proof that present-day Incas, like their Pre-Columbian forebears, had extraterrestrial help in constructing their cities.



UFO at Macchu-Pichu, Peru


Archaeologists have long speculated how Meso-and South American societies, which did not use the wheel, could have transported immense blocks of solid stone from distant quarries. Mahoney also hastens to point out another photograph taken in broad daylight earlier this year at the Mayan pyramid of Chichen-Itza by a Puerto Rican visitor. The Yucatan object is either some sort of bifurcated UFO, a humungous butterfly or possibly a slice of apple hurled about 50 metres from the camera.

UFO (or butterfly) at Yucatan pyramid

Mahoney, a freelance researcher who investigates the paranormal during off hours from his urology practice in Hollywood, CA, suggests that he may mount his own Macchu-Pichu expedition in early 2007 to seek additional UFO-related evidence on the matter.


Michael, Liz & related Psychic Prognoses

Our good friend and noted Miami seer Herschel Gomez has issued his annual New Year Psychic Predictions for 2007. For the record, his tally of hits and misses over the past twenty-five years is slightly better than the late Jean Dixon’s and 30 times more accurate than Mme. Shanti Dombrowski of Orlando, who in 1985 confidently predicted that a disoriented Loch Ness monster would finally be netted in the Thames Estuary of all places and, astonishingly, disgorge a perfectly preserved (albeit deceased) Amelia Earheart, two HMS Titanic life-preservers and Eva Braun’s gold souvenir cigarette lighter from the 1936 maiden flight of the Luftschiffbau Zeppelin Hindenburg. Dombrowski claimed a partial hit with the discovery of the entire Titanic wreck later that year.


Herewith highlights from the Gomez 2007 crystal ball:

• By late next summer ex-New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani’s prospects for the 2008 Presidential nomination will be further reduced when it is revealed that, in addition to being a divorced Roman Catholic, previously sealed court documents identify him as the unnamed “other primate” who figured in the infamous 1992 break-up of singer Michael Jackson and one-time housemate Bubbles the Chimpanzee.


Michael and Bubbles in happier times


• Recently disgraced Evangelist Ted Haggard will return to the news when a “Rehabilitation Retreat” with several young pastoral colleagues at a remote Colorado Springs park is disrupted by someone or something resembling Big Foot who drags the hysterical Haggard into the forest. Following months of fruitless searches for the missing preacher, a bearded and remarkably unscathed Haggard will emerge from the woods to found a new doctrine based on claimed visions during the ordeal, The Gospel of St. Susquatch.

• On the eve of her 75th birthday, Elizabeth Taylor, will finally admit that the aforementioned Michael Jackson is indeed her own love child by onetime heavyweight champ Sonny Liston (and subsequently adopted by the Jackson family to spare Liz further grief with then-hubby Eddie Fisher.) Following this disclosure, Michael will fly to the Pepe Cortada Clinic in Chichihuenango, Guatemala before Easter for one last surgical procedure in a tortured son’s lifelong attempt to more closely resemble his natural mother.

• Britney Spears will meet and fall wildly in love with Fort Lauderdale tax attorney Fu-Tze (Footsie) Feldman, the Chinese-Jewish heir to the Fong-Wam-Bang Electronics empire based in Hong Kong. In the fall the couple will be making plans for a honeymoon in Kuala Lumpur at the home of uncle Chuk Wam-Bang. And by Christmas, the company’s Mandarin-singing Beijing Britney doll will be a toy world mega-hit in the Far East.

• A devastating spring earthquake will level much of Euro-Disney World but the ruins will prove much more popular (especially the Hall of Headless Presidents) among French visitors and the park will actually turn a third-quarter profit.

• In May, look for the FBI to investigate a series of ghastly but surgically precise cattle mutilations in and around Crawford, Texas. The president blames al-Qa'ida terrorists but the culprits are never found.

Bush and the possibly doomed Pooch

• Finally, Barney the White House Scottish Terrier will meet an untimely end when his kennel is inadvertently misrouted at Andrews Air Force Base aboard an Iraq-bound military transport. Before the mistake is discovered, the First Pooch will fall into the hands of jihadists who threaten an on-camera canine execution if US troops are not withdrawn. After worldwide outcry and appeals from the pope and Islamic leaders, the terrier is released unharmed but is accidentally run over by a US humvee driven by Vice President Dick Cheney who was dispatched to Baghdad to bring the heroic hostage home.


Professor Kurt Stanislaw Jacobi, a native of Southeastern Wallachia, holds a Ph.D. in psychotropic engineering from Comenius University, Bratislava, where he graduated summa cum laude in 1948. During the late 50's, Dr. Jacobi was a visiting scholar on the faculty of CCNY where he first postulated his now famous integrated theory of inversional constructs (ITIC) which ultimately made possible the Apollo moon landings, the Camp David Peace Accords and the release of all Tennessee Ernie Ford’s love songs on mp3 compatible compact disc.